I had relatively easy teenage years. Probably because I had built up walls and was oblivious to a lot that may have been going on. Like social rules about not talking with anyone unpopular or in a different grade. Looking back, my innocence to such silly things made me cool. Or as one person who taunted me before wrote in my yearbook, I dared to be different.
In my twenties, I was an observer. Looking at others and wondering why I was different. What was inside me that was so lacking that I had never even had so much as a kiss for my entire life. I wasn't looking inwards but causing myself a lot of pain. So it was that at twenty-five, I felt old. These may have been my awkward growing pain years.
And now lately I carry a camera around and actually look at the world. I'm at a place where I love myself and my differences and don't really care how I compare to others. I see a lot of beauty in the people I care about. I wish that they would trust that when I make a move to take their photo, it's because they are looking pretty and not move because my point-and-shoot is slow and if they move it will turn out blurry and I'll have missed the opportunity. Or shall I just leave the camera at home and keep pointing and shouting how pretty you look here and there, then and now? Would you believe me? Or would you need photo proof?
I write this and laugh. Knowing fully how I don't like having my own photo taken.
11 years ago